I Denied My Loved Ones, HOW CRAZY IS THAT?!

the worst feeling i ever had
(photo not mine)

I feel ridiculous, really. I know you are raising your brows on me. Yes, I did deny my loved ones, my dear husband and son particularly. WHY? HOW DARE I? I still question myself up until writing this post since the day before yesterday. Though never will be acquitted but anyhow, please allow me to explain myself.

Now then, I am into this urgent matter, definitely legal, that needs my valid I.D., Community Tax Certificate (cedula) and Birth Certificate. It’s my bad I didn’t work on validating my marital status on my Identification Card right after the wedding. Okay, so obviously still on it is my mother’s last name and my status, single. I had no choice but to use it due to urgency. I need a recent Community Tax Certificate so I did go to the city hall and filled up the needed info, yes I made sure that it would agree with my I.D... It was all okay until the office clerk started an unexpected interview (I’ve been into this a lot of times but only then that I am trapped with this silly conversation, yes really silly!).

Clerk: Are you living-in with someone?

Me: (mind puzzled with such a ridiculous question and just raised my brows with a clueless face)

Clerk: (on a loud irritated voice) Do you have a live-in partner?

Me: NO! (that was technically correct right? because I am legally wedded so  I thought I am not saying the wrong thing)

Clerk: Do you have a child?

Me: (confused and hesitant telling myself, “I declared I’m single and without a partner so it would be wrong to say I have a  child so I just responded with hesitant act of refusal)

Immediately after my response, it felt like the heavens and the earth crashed on me. I never felt this worst feeling before. I was so upset that when the clerk handed me the certificate I just stood still and kept staring at it and badly wanting to wind back the time and just declare my real status whatever it takes. I was so upset that tears were heaping and racing out my eyes, and my heart pounding and bursting with indescribable pain.

Too late! Even if I would immediately act on changing it, I still did deny them. I denied the most important part of why my heart beats. How crazy is that? I went home nagging at myself, “You love them? How could you deny them? And for what?”  Then, I apologetically told my husband about it and asked, “What do you think of what I did? Am I foolish?” He gently replied, “I just feel rejected.”

Ouch! I couldn’t be more upset! My husband’s response was just another proof of my foolishness!

I surely will work on my papers without more ado and make things right once and for all.