I Denied My Loved Ones, HOW CRAZY IS THAT?!

the worst feeling i ever had
(photo not mine)

I feel ridiculous, really. I know you are raising your brows on me. Yes, I did deny my loved ones, my dear husband and son particularly. WHY? HOW DARE I? I still question myself up until writing this post since the day before yesterday. Though never will be acquitted but anyhow, please allow me to explain myself.

Now then, I am into this urgent matter, definitely legal, that needs my valid I.D., Community Tax Certificate (cedula) and Birth Certificate. It’s my bad I didn’t work on validating my marital status on my Identification Card right after the wedding. Okay, so obviously still on it is my mother’s last name and my status, single. I had no choice but to use it due to urgency. I need a recent Community Tax Certificate so I did go to the city hall and filled up the needed info, yes I made sure that it would agree with my I.D... It was all okay until the office clerk started an unexpected interview (I’ve been into this a lot of times but only then that I am trapped with this silly conversation, yes really silly!).

Clerk: Are you living-in with someone?

Me: (mind puzzled with such a ridiculous question and just raised my brows with a clueless face)

Clerk: (on a loud irritated voice) Do you have a live-in partner?

Me: NO! (that was technically correct right? because I am legally wedded so  I thought I am not saying the wrong thing)

Clerk: Do you have a child?

Me: (confused and hesitant telling myself, “I declared I’m single and without a partner so it would be wrong to say I have a  child so I just responded with hesitant act of refusal)

Immediately after my response, it felt like the heavens and the earth crashed on me. I never felt this worst feeling before. I was so upset that when the clerk handed me the certificate I just stood still and kept staring at it and badly wanting to wind back the time and just declare my real status whatever it takes. I was so upset that tears were heaping and racing out my eyes, and my heart pounding and bursting with indescribable pain.

Too late! Even if I would immediately act on changing it, I still did deny them. I denied the most important part of why my heart beats. How crazy is that? I went home nagging at myself, “You love them? How could you deny them? And for what?”  Then, I apologetically told my husband about it and asked, “What do you think of what I did? Am I foolish?” He gently replied, “I just feel rejected.”

Ouch! I couldn’t be more upset! My husband’s response was just another proof of my foolishness!

I surely will work on my papers without more ado and make things right once and for all.

What to do when having an 'LQ'?

Lovers’ Quarrel it is! And yes, in our 2 years, 5 months and 2 weeks of marriage, we have had many. We have our own share of untold down-in-the-dumps. Whatever the grounds are, a quarrel is still a quarrel that badly needs squaring off before long, before any rueful actions done. All right, I am no expert here, and still an amateur on marriage or any relationship. I just want to spills the beans and let you in a little on the facts of how I act and react when in a tiff with the man I pledged, before God and men, to be with all my life through ups and downs.

Okay, here are two different sets of actions/reactions and outcomes to a same situation – ‘LQ’

BEFORE:

-          I intentionally bring the house down with me when I’m upset! I.e. no cleaning, no laundering, no dish washing, just letting everything cluttered and shambolic!

-          I go on hunger strike, really!

-          I slack and slumber all day long or go elsewhere and come home late!

-          I drag up his past flaws and faults, and plan on doing silly things!

§  OUTCOME: I end up more upset and madder. Hungry. Sleepless at night and filled with negative thoughts and get up the next morning even madder. And when it’s time to kiss and make up, I end up exhausted with all the household errands that are now twofold, argh!

AT THE PRESENT (When I got tired of all after-LQ frustrations and also baby came.):

-          I do general cleaning, as in! Of course I can’t risk my baby’s health. Sparkling clean from corner to corner tsk… tsk… just exaggerating a little!

-          I eat, do, go, and buy whatever I want. No more hunger strikes and no more coming home late!

-          I try with all my best not to think on any negative past and avoid doing silly things.

-          I prepare and join him during meal time.

§  OUTCOME: Okay, I still get upset and do or think of silly things but not that bad anymore. I get a good night sleep, obviously because I’m too tired after running all errands. Not hungry, plus the glee of satisfying myself with a bit of luxury. I get up the next morning lighter and brighter and a lot more welcome for a kiss and make up, teehee!

Aye, we still are caught in a tiff every once in a while, but now we don’t bring the house down anymore, no more hurtful words, and we always still try to eat together on the same plate, yes right, on a single plate like we always do after we tied the knot. We both hate verbal fights, thank God, which really made a great deal of difference. And we certainly both love to keep each other until the end of time so we are working hard to save ourselves from any marriage disasters. We pray and we live our oath!

Now I Know!

From the moment I, with Surgeons’ help, brought our darling baby out to this world to each passing day there was never an instance that my little darling stays a long way away. I always ‘baby wear’ the world over until that one particular day, my granddad’s 70^th birthday (August 25, 2013) which calls for a clan reunion. That day happened to be the same day with another very important engagement so the husband and I decided to join the get-together later. The presence of the nearest-and-dearests was a must so they insisted to take along my little one with them to make sure that we’re coming over. Actually we agreed, but from the time I heard that idea, though I already gave approval, I was ill at ease. Then the big day came, they were all excited to bring, even argued who would carry and cuddle, my darling baby whose only one year, 6 months and 21 days young then, I was still uneasy deep within. It’s not that I don’t trust any of them to take good care of him; perhaps it’s just that exact sentiment I frequently hear from co-mamas when they’re away with their children, now I know!

On the other hand, I couldn't deny the glee of freedom and convenience, actually. Anyhow, the situation made me remember how it felt to be able to use both hands again in doing a task, freely moving here and there. Oh yeah, carefree, clutter free guise and handbag and sweaty no more. I must say I relished every moment, why not, for only at the moment. And yes, the hubby did say, “I miss this ‘only you and me’ time.” – silly but true =) tsk… tsk… Then later a friend commented, “You look like newlywed.”  =D Oh, really?!! Are we too showy that we’re enjoying our uninterrupted moments together?  Hahahahahaha!

Uh huh! We did enjoy our carefree moments but actually our little darling was always our gab topic. And as soon as we were over and done with our prime engagement, we hurriedly hit the road to grandpa’s county to reunite with our longed-for kinfolks, celebrate grandpa’s well and advanced years and of course be with our darling baby. It was a tiring long trip. I don't know exactly how my little Joseph felt while we were apart, all I know is that he's very happy to be with us again, so do I. Seeing our little one’s sweetest smile and chuckle, and clapping his teensy-weensy hands the moment he saw us and call out to the top of his voice, “MAMA!” awww everything just gleamed like a sunbeam and all the longing and grogginess eluded. Now I know! =)

Desperate Cooking: Revealing A Teensy Weensy Secret!

Today is another smiley day, indeed one of our best bright-and-breezy days. Actually it’s just a typical ordinary day made special by these cheesy yet oh so heartening words from my man, “I love you more than yesterday!” He’s not someone innately romantic, just plain and simple and a man who’s never flashy especially with words of endearment. That explains why I rate highly and take pleasure in each and every word and or deed of gratitude displayed.

Okay! Okay! No more ado’s. It all started with a little flattering remark to a yummy dish we both love yet always leaves a lingering stinky smell at the kitchen, spicy ‘pusit’. The remark was not for the yummy cooking, yes it was yummy he said, really =P but for the absence of the stinky smell. Now, no need to freshen up the kitchen over and over again when cooking such.

The secret? A squeeze or two of Calamansi drives that fishy smell away. Actually the discovery was just a happenstance. It was not really part of the ingredients, only something I tried to neutralize my saline dish tsk… tsk… what a bolt from the blue that it did not only enhanced the flavor but also eliminate that stinky fishy smell for good. Awesome!